Bring Me The Head of The N.B.!

Yes kids, it has been quite a long time since I've blogged... work has a way of putting a damper on personal pursuits. Today marks day 2 of Project N.B. in which I proceed to twist his guts until he is begging me to let him kiss my feet. What brings this about you ask? 5 words: Our bar + N.B. + Dirty Skank.

Let's all keep in mind that in 5 short days I will be on his arm at Lisa and Doc's rehearsal and dinner and AGAIN the next day at the wedding. The man is toast. Absolutely fucked. My team of baddies is behind the scenes plotting furiously to "Make it Work." Stage 1 began last night with me trotting in dressed to the nines at 8:30 saying only that I'd been to dinner. I flirted with every fella in the joint who walked up to me (it goes without saying that if I approached them it would give off that - "look at me, I'm fucking with you!" vibe that we are very much avoiding). When Dirty Skank Whore (yes, added the Whore because I like the idea of calling her DSW) came in I kept my cool, finished my beer and exited the premises with class and dignity. I knew stage 1 was complete and successful becaue the N.B. called me about 20 minutes later to see if I was ok to which I replied "Yup. Goodbye." in a nice neutral non-commital kind of way. Stage 1 complete. Stage 2 begins effective immediately.

Stage 2 - Full Military Silence.

• There will be no phone calls made.
• Initiated phone calls will be answered on a case-by-case basis after consultation with baddies AND with NO regularity whatsoever.
• There will be no emails written.
• Initiated emails will be handled per initiated phone call Standard Operating Procedures.
• There will be no bar appearances for two full days after which any appearances must be cameos (in and out).
• Baddies will report no knowledge of my whereabouts.

Stage 2's success will be measured by the number of the N.B.'s attempts to get in touch plus the number of times he has inquired about my well-being/whereabouts.

Let the games begin!